I'm Feeling A Bit Put-Out

Motherhood and making a home can sometimes feel like you're living in isolation.

Take today for instance. Since I'm housebound and the 98% willing prisoner of my darling duo, I try to have a life online. So opening my various social networking websites, I find status messages littered with the excitement of having a life offline. Events, dates, trips, shopping sprees, spa adventures, parlor appointments, marathons, book sales, seminars, forums, lessons and cooking classes. You name it, I've probably read about it on someone's status message.

And I am green with envy and blue with longing.

It didn't use to be this way. Probably that's why sometimes the funk hits me extra hard.

Time either flies or stops
when you're a SAHM.

Staying home was an unforseen development in my present incarnation. I quit working when circumstances pulled the rug from under me but I really opted out of pursuing anything career-oriented afterwards. After all, I've been working for almost half my life so I felt it was as good a time as any to "retire" for awhile. I stayed home to raise the girls and be homemaker, mommy and wife. No yaya. After the episode with Oona's willful yaya, I'm fine with asking help from my mom and sister. (If the girls are going to pick up any bad habits, let it be mine. I'm working on not having any too, by the way! Helluva job, but that 'What the hey!' Oona picked up from me means trouble in the future, I just know it.)

Stripping away the work element exposed more woodwork and forced me to really define myself without the external veneer of the titles I used to hold. It wasn't easy and it scared me at first. Working had been most of my life and gave my days purpose. What and who would I be without it?

Embracing the change took awhile and it's still a work in progress. Generally I'm happy to say I have never felt lighter in years. I was surprised that I would come to look at it as an exciting interlude. An adventure before another adventure begins, after the kids are grown and I can do some serious damage to the creative world again.

But then there are days like these when life out of the career lane feels like the world is just passing me by. The mommy lane feels faster sometimes when I have to deal with running after the girls, running after schedules, running the house and most often, running late with everything! Always running. Then suddenly everything quiets down and I fall right smack into this funk when I realize that all that running I do is in a small circle revolving around the girls.

My life is a one-ring circus. Sometimes. Like today.

*Sigh* I think I'll go lobby for a hug. Offline.

Sanity Blogging

In between snorting down food like a vacuum cleaner, sprinting to the bathroom for personal necessities whenever the kids permit, attempting to sidestep parenting pitfalls with raising the toddler and being the infant's chew toy, I somehow manage to blog.

How the hell does one fit blogging among all the million other things already crammed into the day?

I have NO frikkin' idea.

All I know is, if I can update my stat messages, I can probably blog. I realized I've been micro-blogging at plurk and facebook anyway, so might as well REAALLY blog, right?

Besides, if I don't create some quiet space for myself, I *will* go nuts. I mean, I love being a SAHM but when you begin spending the day in pajamas, smell like stale milk (and don't even know it), tune out when the kids do a hyperactive chorus and you can't wait until the sweet little things are knocked out for the day, IT IS TIME FOR A BREAK.

It can really get overwhelming. With all the love in the world alive in your heart, you will still have days when you just want to scream. Or not talk at all. Silence can be so precious when you have a toddler who has just realized the wonder of words and how to generate an endless stream of questions.

Blogging makes one feel connected to the self, like you can hear your own thoughts again. You somehow feel connected to other people too when someone comments and shares sentiments with you, albeit online. It's also a fine substitute to talking to yourself if you're hankering for adult company. At least with blogging, nobody's going to think you're cuckoo because you're pretending to talk to someone at an attempt at adult conversation. So, I blog.

But if you find yourself hearing voices or your babies begin sounding like Stewie to you, GET HELP. Lolz.

I do envy the super moms who can breeze through the day without a crease, frown or wrinkle on perfect faces, dresses or figures (nor a prescription for sedative of choice). While I'm lucky enough to have my family around me to help and I married a man who's brave enough to face laundry, I still wish there were more hours in the day AND there was two of me. AT LEAST two, with an option for a third clone. Someone please tell me the perfect home maker does not exist without a battalion of nannies, secretaries, aides and maids!

If budget permits, my conviction says I would hire a maid as support staff, but not a nanny. I still feel that my kids are mine to raise, fuss over, yell at and with.

Anyhoo...

So. How sane are you today?

LUSCIOUS BLOG NETWORK ROLL CALL

So what have I been up to lately?

I can safely say that I have a new hat to wear: the Blogger Tweaker Hat. I'm not really a hacker, I can't invent code or CSS to save my life, but I do tweak existing and Already-Hacked Blogger Templates to suit my needs and wants. Sometimes I tweak them to death (not good). An example would be that 3-column template I wanted to convert into something else, I inserted a bit of code and then to my horror, sidebars and widgets ended up all over the place and refused to be reborn into something better than its former existence. As with anything, it had its limits and I had to let it rest in peace after it gave up the ghost in bytes and pieces.

At last I was able to finish revamping three of my existing blogs (Scraps Away, Weekend Wanderings and Luscious Picks) and put up a new blog for my photos named Photoluscious (what else?!). Mommyluscious I think I'll leave the layout alone and just streamline it a bit.

So here's my blog roll call, The Luscious Blog Network (naks!):

Of course Mommyluscious remains my standard bearer. It has since evolved from being the blog of a working mother trying to juggle motherhood and the demands of a growing art studio.

Mommy Laya quit the art studio a few months back. I haven't really covered the experiences and implications the decision to be a Stay At Home Mother presents because I'm still going through it now. All I can say is, there's much more time to spend being a Mother to Oona even if I do spend lots of time on the computer pursuing personal projects.

I'm lucky enough to have a very understanding husband. He does say that he likes me being home more than being a double-income family. Although of course, it would have helped if we financially prepared for my quitting ahead of time. But when you're not happy in a particular situation, there's no contingencies for that. Anyway, I am now a SAHM who's juggling the family budget, trying to find ways and means to add to it via projects I can do at home and with my limitations (time is such a valuable commodity with a baby!).

I blog, do graphics and try to be a mother to Oona as best as possible. I can also say I'm a recovering workaholic. Sometimes I get depressed over finances especially when bills get stacked in my in-box. Sometimes I envy the other people who have schedules and places to go to and things to DO. I know that sounds like a ton of regrets in the future. Honestly, I can't say what will happen ten years down the road, if my decision to quit and stay home will haunt me. But I do know the feeling passes.

Every time Oona achieves a milestone in her young life and I'm here to witness it...no salary in the world matters. Other parents know what I'm talking about. It's different when you're single. It's different when your child discovers she has legs and can run around and the nanny just tells you about it when you get home from work. It's different when it's YOU she runs to with that face split in a smile so wide, it melts your heart, with the look in her eyes that says "Look, MOM! LOOK!!!". :D

Scraps Away is my digital scrapping blog. It's really in my DNA to do something creative and it's to make sure my creative muscles don't atrophy. Nowadays, since I took this crash course in Template manipulation and blog improvement, I haven't been able to update as regularly as before. Rest assured though, I have a couple of LO's already in the pipeline, just waiting to be finished and posted.



To satisfy my wanderlusting, I came up with Weekend Wanderings. Travel is really one of the things RF and I love. We also want to impart to Oona the wonders of the world we live in, our own backyard, most importantly. I'm not really a die-hard nationalista, but I do have an intense appreciation for this place. There's really so much to like and enjoy more than complain about. After all, it isn't the actual place you go to, but the myriad little things that get you there that makes the destination really special.

I put up this blog primarily as a partner to Weekend Wanderings. I find that I really am trigger-happy, just about as much as my husband is with his camera phone. At first, using my N95 8GB was a means to an end since I have a Canon Ixus as well. But I found myself using my Nokia more because it was easier to whip out and I didn't need to carry around extra memory cards just to augment my Canon's 16MB default card. Besides, they're both 5 Megapixels so not much difference when it comes to resolution.

So, I am currently indulging my National Geographic Photographer fantasies using my trusty camera phone with a beautiful 8GB storage space. I did adjust the photos' contrast and saturation a bit with Google's Picasa, but all the photos came from my phone. Someday, I hope to be able to save up for a DXLR, the real sweet deal! Until then, I plan to enjoy this little baby.

Last but not the least, my blog for stuff that I like online and offline. I love a lot of stuff that I can't usually afford, but you don't really need money to appreciate beautiful things. For me, the truly beautiful things are truly useful things as well. Yes, lingerie are useful things. They make you feel beautiful, so there! That's why in this blog, I have lingerie, earth-friendly furniture, baby stuff, make-up and power tools in the same place. I just don't have car accessories or hard-core guy stuff (like jockstraps or whatever only for guys thingies there are). I can't drive and I'm not a guy. Anyway, I put stuff in here in case anybody stumbles on this blog and happens to be looking for something I've already seen. Hope this blog helps!

So there you have it, my starting five. Check them out and let me know what you think! Enjoy! :)