N@WIE LOVE!

N@W is Newlyweds At Work, a Yahoo Group message board for newlyweds, about to be parents, wanting to be parents...everything that's got to do with being a wife, mother, woman, survivor, working parent, breastfeeding advocate, etc., etc., etc. Most are women though the odd guy comes around to see what post his wife keeps mentioning. Whatever the issue, there's a thread about it, a zillion ears to listen and shoulders to lean on or cry on. I'm not always an active poster, being guilty of running to the group mostly when I've got something I'm completely stumped about, but it's the equivalent of a sorority house without the hassles of being an initiate or a pledge. You can be sure of the support, understanding and wise advice of your sisters and brothers at N@W.

For those who don't know what being a N@wie is, it's the best group a first time mom can be in. Spinning off from the W@Wies (Weddings at Work) who went through the wedding and are now parents, the N@wies are a fun and supportive bunch even if I haven't met them all IRL (in real life).

And because I love this group, I made badges with the blessings of Benz of the W@Wie Rana Dynamic Duo :D Please feel free to grab one to post wherever you wish! Just right click and save. Link the image up to the W@W portal or N@W site so more moms out there can find their way to the group!

Here's the first batch! :)



More to come! Enjoy!

KITCHEN MAGIC

When I was a child, there was only one room in the house where everything really happens. Since there was no distinction between kitchen and dining room, you can imagine that most conversations, interactions and family activities centralized around this area.

There would always be someone preparing food, eating, making a snack or using the dining table as a study desk, drawing table, battlefield for toy soldiers or secret bandit hideout from the cops stationed in the living room. I used to hide under the table to escape from having to sleep in the afternoons when I wanted to play. My mother had the coolest make-up kit from my grandmother's Hong Kong trips with little drawers and slide-out compartments. I'd sneak it out from her dresser, paint my face up and make a dash to the kitchen sink when I heard her coming down the stairs to hunt me down for the bothersome nap.

Most growing up conversations also happened around the kitchen/dining table. We'd get reprimanded, praised or grounded until we were thirty while we were having breakfast, lunch or dinner (when activity reports usually roll in for our parents to comment about). Of course you couldn't leave until you finished your food so even if you wanted to die of shame from being publicly executed, you had to soldier on while conversation flowed to other more wholesome topics around you.

When I was old enough to help in the cooking, the conversations evolved as well. From how to cook my favorite Sinigang (Tamarind Soup) to how to deal with the bullies in school, to deeper, more intense issues later on in life. Life lessons are easier to deal with while your hands are busy, but wrestling with them while chopping up vegetables amidst the warm, homey smells of bubbling broth seemed to drive them straighter, truer and deeper into the heart.

Late at night, on occasions where one is restless and sleepless with the countless things that plague growing minds, the kitchen/dining table was the scene of many a hot coco philosophical discussion.

Heartbreaks, arguments, life decisions, confidences. I'm sure many kitchens and dining tables in small houses like ours have heard them all.

My ideal house would have the kitchen/dining area exactly like that, where the heart of the home is at the hearth. (sidenote: Hearth= heart, earth/mother earth...cooking, eating, sharing food for the belly, heart and the mind are such earthy activities...no wonder we feel fuller and more grounded, reconnected.)

I've always dreamt of a home that would be sanctuary to family and friends. Such as when I was growing up and bringing home friends, we'd gravitate to the kitchen where my mother would usually be found cooking dinner. And since I brought extra appetites, she would whip up something for us and we'd help cook while filling her in on what happened during our day. Sometimes, one of my friends would find herself confiding in my mom while shelling peas or stirring the stew. My mother would listen and dole out her brand of wisdom like she would dole out steaming soup for the heart-sick. My friends would always say how cool my mother was, sated with the yummy food we helped prepare, hearts soothed and minds at peace with practical advice.

When I was still single, I had the fantasy of living alone but always having a warm and welcoming home. Now that I find myself married and a mother to a precious little girl, I am nostalgic for kitchens and dining areas that remind me of my mother's kitchen. Of course, this would mean warm wood furniture, unobtrusive kitchen appliances, functionality with down-to-earth, homey styles . . . and a bunch of wild flowers stuck in a jar somewhere.

I want Oona to know how it is to come home, plunk her school bag on a chair and tell me all about her day as she gobbles a snack and I start preparing the family dinner. As it is, at 14 months, she likes playing under the kitchen/dining table. She listens in on the conversations of her mother, father, grandmother and nanny. She offers her babbled opinions every now and then and pokes our legs to let us know she's still there. Whether we're cooking, eating or typing away at a laptop, she'd be right there, camped under the table, among the chair legs.

I look forward to having midnight coco in my pajamas talking over the serious business of a first love or deliberating over college courses with Oona and her siblings (hopefully soon!). I can't wait to be solving crossword puzzles with a cup of coffee at 2AM, waiting for the last kid to come in after a concert. Or making anti-hangover specials for someone who came in four hours after their curfew, reeking of way too much beers, hunched guiltily over black coffee, waiting for me to read them the riot act. God forbid my kids have my spunk! But I DO truly look forward to it all, including cooking their lunches for school and baking cookies (Cookies? Bake?! ME?? Quick, someone pinch me!). Well, I'm sure there are idiot-friendly contraptions nowadays for people like me who can basically cook but can't whip up a chef's masterpiece.

My husband would laugh and tease me no end if ever he reads this. He's never seen me take the initiative with ruling the roost, so to speak, let alone cook everyday. But since his Mom lives with us and she likes to cook for the family, I can understand her sentiments enough to know it warms her heart to see us gather round to eat together and enjoy her food. And I know, it will be my turn soon enough, to have my own kitchen and rule the roost. Nowadays, I share the crown with the hubby and his mom, but mostly, it's Oona who wears that crown most.

Currently, we are paying for a pre-sold condo home at nearby Beacon (so near, we pass the construction site everyday). It's amazing how it feels, to watch your investment for the future rise from the foundations going up, up, up! Before we know it, it will be our floor that's going to be done and the condo guys will be calling us to go over the specs we want for our new home. So this early, I'm already looking at lovely stuff I want for our own first home, interior decorating it in my head.

Most especially, I would finally be able to have a kitchen, a hearth of my own! Sure I'd still be sharing with Mama, my hubby's mother, but I would have picked the tiling, the cabinets, the stove, the everything! Besides, it doesn't take anything away from me to share the traditional domain. It makes for incredible conversations when we're cooking together, even now. For sure, since it's a condo and we have kids running around, we'll have appliances that would be space-saving and child-friendly (if not child-proof).

I'm glad I'm a net surfer so it's easy for me to find things I like and hopefully buy, when the time comes for moving in. The condo's already fully furnished in my head! Although I'd love to go out and "get dirty", walking around to hunt down furnishings, drapes and sinks, it really isn't realistic for me nowadays. It helps that the ever-reliable Shopwiki's there. I don't have to go all over the place to find something I need, they already have stuff from on-line stores all across the web, centralized in one website. Think your very own, friendly, reliable on-line warehouse with goods from all over the world in one place! The interface is very user friendly and very informative.

I would also suggest fully reading through the Shopwiki shopping guides as it also helped me decide which ones I can do without and which ones I would definitely need for condominium living and the lifestyle that I want. What's noteworthy for me is that they help promote Green Living with earth friendly products! Definitely for us earth mommas! They also support advocacies and causes near and dear to our hearts, like this October's Shopping for a Cause is about Breast Cancer Awareness. So think pink while shopping and beat shopper's guilt by saying: "It's for a cause!"

From the bedrooms, to the curtains to the little reading corner I want to have (with a computer, naturally!), I have bookmarked a dozen pages or so from this shopping guide! Too bad our bathroom's not big enough for a bath tub or a home spa . . . Oh well, I'll keep that in mind for the next house! :D

All in all, I truly look forward to making our new house into a home, where my daughter, her siblings, their friends and everyone we welcome into our midst, would feel the love and warmth radiating from the heart/h, filling up tummies, minds and spirits with food for the body and nourishment for the soul.

POVERTY USED AND ABUSED

It's Blog Action Against Poverty Day, and it's brought to mind so many things. Central to these thoughts would be how poverty seems to be the most used and abused condition.

Behind every campaign, crime and policy, on either side of law and morality, poverty is the ready answer, reason and rationale. And who are its greatest victims? Children. Always the children.

Sad.

***

Can anyone really tell me what poverty truly is? Or where it comes from?

Is poverty solely a lack of material comfort? Or is it a lack of spiritual wealth manifesting as a lack of the material kind?

There are a lot of philosophical and metaphysical discussions all over the internet regarding "How To Increase Your Abundance", "Be Open to More Money" or "Be a Millionaire While Being A Couch Potato". It's pointless to tackle them one by one because whatever they're selling boils down to us (people who want more abundance) buying their program and making them more, well, abundant. You have to admire these people, seizing an opportunity to provide people for a means to reach their dreams of gold. So they make gold!

I get spam mail like that and as always, there's a catch. Fool's gold for the naive, incredibly stupid or incredibly greedy.

There's also that South African/Arabian/Singaporean/Alien Banker/expat/businessman/wife of dead politician who would email you about millions in US Dollars or Pounds that has to be transferred and can they please use your account? Of course you have to provide your personal info and bank account numbers. And YOU shell out fees.

Whatever. Scam central, hello?!

Internet sweepstakes also lure people into buying entries with the promise of sure winnings. But the only thing you'll win in the end is a huge credit card bill. It's true all over the world, in whatever way, the house always wins.

***

There are so many ways people all over the world invest in exploiting our common concepts of poverty. In or out of the net.

For me, I am not afraid of being scammed via internet. I'm not stupid, naive or greedy enough to bite into promises that sound too good to be true. Nothing is taken away from me.

I am afraid of poverty, however, when I step out of my house.

I see beggars everywhere. With children. Some look like they haven't eaten in days, some have a blank stare and some don't look like their beggar parents at all. They're either too beautiful or too different.

All in all, those faces, those eyes haunt me.

I know, because I've heard stories and watch the news. Children disappear everyday and babies are stolen from parents, caretakers and their own homes. They are never seen again, bought and sold like meat into gangs, syndicates or slave rings.

Sometimes, very rarely compared to those who are never heard of, there is the odd survivor who is meant to be found to give a call for action against this particular problem. These survivors are found in other far-flung cities, maimed, starved, beaten and abused, enslaved by criminal syndicates to pose as beggars' children to increase chances of larger alms. By some incredible blessing, they are found and restored, but not without having sustained injury and often permanent physical damage. Some have been found crippled or blinded by their captors. What more can we say about their mental, psychological and emotional health? Who can say that the only injuries they have are what we have seen? What about those who have no words for the horrors they have endured?

I fear poverty whenever I walk out of the house. I fear that its fingers will reach up and curl around my own child's leg and yank her out of my life. I fear that this little ray of sunshine would be taken from me, her mother, to line some dirty bastard's pockets. Bad things happen to good people. I know things happen for a reason, but my heart refuses to stop fearing.

Where do people get off doing this? Is there no conscience left in their souls?

This knowledge also conflicts me.

I want to help these beggars but giving alms only seem to aggravate the mendicancy problem. I want to help them maybe get a good dinner at night, but don't want to perpetuate the grim cycle. Or maybe they're really hard up and they have valid reasons, being victims of circumstance, to be standing at the corner begging for mercy, but how can we really know? How do we tell the really needy from the ones who are just exploiting poverty as we know it?

And I'm a mother. How can I resist another mother asking for help for her child? How can I risk shaming her in front of her little one by denying her? But what if she's in on exploiting the child? Do I want to be party to that?

I am scared of poverty, more so because I am scared of what kind of person it is driving me to be.

I'm not particularly well-off and we do try to make ends meet. But there will always be something to spare for those who need it. After all, RF and I always say that we'll give what we can spare for someone who needs it more than us. But, that doesn't include beggars.

We've come to the agreement that though it may be heart-breaking, it's best to give them food or clothing even. Rather than money, you wouldn't be sure would really be going to see to their own comforts.

Sometimes, I am ashamed to say that I try to ignore them. I am angry at how they make me feel. At how they make me slide my eyes away from where they stand, refusing to meet their eyes. I'm even angrier at the well-dressed people with clean, well-dressed children in tow, who pose as lost travellers who found themselves short of fare to go home. The people who use these children's plight try to take advantage of the guilt and conscience of other honest, tenderhearted, unaware people. Then you see them the next day somewhere else, saying the same lines. How can we be angels of mercy and charity when what we are up against is a great poverty of the soul? I am ashamed of my anger and angry at the shame.

I know the answer would usually be as long as you give out of the goodness of your heart, it doesn't matter where your money is taken or if it is used for the intent it was given. But how can you not care? Knowing your money will not be feeding the sad urchin you gave money to, but lining some fat syndicate's pocket DOES bother me no end.

I am scared of poverty and how it has become a monster to be reckoned with. It seems to me to be a huge, smelly, lazy giant with many dirty, hollow-eyed grim children at its beck and call. And how capable it is of turning me, us, you, into monsters as well.

I don't know what can be done to stop it and stop it good, never to rear its ugly head again. I don't know how we can reach out to each child in the arms of a pretender to give them back to their heart-broken parents. I don't know how to reach those who truly need help and rescue and separate them from the scammers and the thieves.

All I know is, I want this never to touch my child.

***

What really is poverty? Where does it come from? Where will it end?

Is it poverty that drives us to deplete our stores of humanity and decency? Or is it a lack of goodness in many souls that enables poverty to manifest on our material plane in such soulless proportions?

FOR BREASTFEEDING PARENTS, THE WATERBIRTH-CURIOUS AND OTHER ADVOCATES OF NATURAL FAMILY LIVING

Parents! I got forwarded this email. :)


For moms out there who breastfeed and would like to breastfeed their child without having to leave work. Do pass on to those who can benefit from it especially now that (melamine tainted!) formula milk is replacing the best milk for babies..

• BREASTFEEDING IN THE WORKPLACE
  
  Being (and Keeping!) a Productive Employee Who Raise Healthy Children
  
  Breastfeeding is a rewarding and nurturing experience for both working mother and child. Learn how you can continue breastfeeding even after you go back to work.
  
  Get helpful tips on how to sustain your supply of breast milk before you are tempted to buy a can of formula milk out of desperation.
  
  Find out how employers can support productive employees who desire to raise healthy children through breastfeeding.
  
  Get it straight from VELVET ESCARIO ROXAS, Deputy Executive Director of Arugaan – an NGO that is a staunch advocate of breastfeeding and earth-friendly and indigenous diet for children.
  
  
  
  
  OCTOBER 18, 2008
  9 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.
  The Kolisko School for Steiner Education
  10 Alabama Street , Brgy. Kristong Hari, New Manila , Quezon City
  
  Php 250 donation entitles you to a seat.
  
  Fifteen (15) slots only!
  
  Please reserve a seat before October 18.
  
  Contact 0906-3034065, savechildhoodnow@gmail.com
  
  
  
  About VELVET ESCARIO ROXAS
  Wife of Jonathan Adam Roxas, head of TATAY - a father support group especially for breastfeeding
  
  Mother of Jehielle, 6 years old, Bahay-Bahayan at The Kolisko School, breastfed for 3 years and 2 months.
  
  Mother of Voegelle, 15 months old, currently breastfeeding. Her waterbirth is a Philippine Medical pioneer - the first ever recorded hospital-based waterbirth in the Philippines !
  
  
  High School Mathematics Teacher
  Philippine School for Innovative Studies
  Malingap corner Malumanay St. ,
  Teachers Vill. West, Diliman, Quezon City
  
  
  Deputy Executive Director, Arugaan
  April 2003-Present
  #2 Starlight cor. Vista St., SSS Village, Marikina City
  Email: arugaan@mozcom. com Tel: +632-4905452
  
  • Counsels mothers on good infant and young child feeding practices
  • Teaches proper breastfeeding techniques to other mothers and other health practitioners including doctors, nurses, midwives, etc.
  • Co-authored the book “Let’s Eat, Learn and Play”
  • Creates crèche/daycare for babies and toddlers
  (home-based, community-based and in workplaces)
  • Instrumental in organizing the “First International Workshop on Indigenous Foods for Complementary Feeding” of 13 countries in Southeast Asia held in Bangkok, Thailand
  • Organized 1,000 women and youth leaders as breastfeeding counselors and defenders held in Quezon City Hall
  • Team leader and team member in coordinating and organizing different events (trainings, seminars and workshops) supported by different organizations including WHO (World Health Organization) , UNICEF (United Nations Children's Fund), DOH (Dept. of Health), WABA (World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action), IBFAN (International Baby Food Action Network), Plan International Inc., etc.
  • Trains, presents and lectures for different national and international trainings, seminars and workshops
  
  
  WORKSHOPS AND SEMINARS
  
  Lecturer/Trainor/ Presentor:
  
  • Asia Pacific Conference on Breastfeeding
  November 30 - Dececember 3, 2003
  New Delhi, India
  
  • First International Workshop on Indigenous Foods for Complementary Feeding
  June 2004
  Bangkok, Thailand
  
  • Every Mother is a Working Mother
  August 14, 2004
  St. Luke’s Hospital, Quezon City
  
  • Lifeskills Training for Brgy. Health Workers and Day Care Workers
  January 30 – February 1, 2006
  Llorente, Eastern Samar
  September 2005
  Lilo-an, Leyte
  
  • Women in Media’s “Bulong Pulungan”: Pushing Up Breastfeeding as a Culture for Moms
  August 2007
  Sofitel Philippine Plaza, Pasay City
  
  • The First Father Support Summit
  October 2007
  UP Diliman, Quezon City
  
  • Breastfeeding at the Heart of Waterbirthing
  November 2007
  AMA School of Medicine, Antipolo
  
  • Waterbirthing for City Health Workers
  Feb. 2008
  Maasin City, Southern Leyte
  
  
  
  UPCOMING PUBLIC EDUCATION LECTURES at The Kolisko School :
  
  BIODYNAMIC COMPOSTING
  By Greg Kitma
  President, Philippine Biodynamic Agricultural Research Foundation
  
  OCTOBER 26, 2008 (Sunday)
  7 a.m.-2 p.m.
  Malvar, Batangas
  
  Php 750/adult, Php 350/child
  
  Contact BABA ALBERTO 0921-2234844
  
  
  SOURCES of STRENGTH: Exercises that Nurture the Soul
  
  Speech and the Developing Child
  
  The HEALING ART of HANDWORK:
  Creating a Stuffed Animal
  Crocheting for Kids and Adults
  Raise Nature-loving Kids in the Time of TV and Gadgets
  Effects of Electronic Media on Young Children
  
  COOKING for LIFE:
  Homemade Juice from Indigenous Fruits
  Budget-friendly Ways of Raising Healthy Families in the time of Junk Food
  Education That Promotes Social Transformation
  Teaching Math through Art, Movement and Music
  
  HAMOG/MORNING DEW: Harnessing the Power of Nature to Improve Health Sing a Song to Promote Social Health
  The Big C: Social and Spiritual Dynamics of Cancer
  Unclutter Your Home, Mind and Heart
  How to Start Saving for a Baby
  Household Rules for Working Parents
  Multiple Intelligences: Unfolding Your Child’s Specific Intelligence at the Right Time
  
  
  CONTACT: savechildhoodnow@gmail.com for more information.
  
  http://koliskoschool.blogspot.com/
  
  http://www.mb.com.ph/issues/2008/05/26/20080526125524.html
  
  
  
  

WEAR YOUR BABY 5: R'JELLYBEAN RING SLINGS

At last, we arrive at the sling we (or rather I, since RF says he'd still rather carry Oona, aching arms and all) eventually chose.

There were not a lot of this type of sling in the net when I was first looking for one. Sure there was a growing number of it abroad but the merchandise hadn't reached local department stores yet. At the Newlyweds@Work message boards (offshoot of Yahoo groups Weddings@Work), I chanced on asking about baby slings and learned that members Jen and Ella had developed a product that was both functional AND stylish as well!

At first, stores around the metro had trouble keeping up with stocks as soon as these slings hit the local shelves. As they were just starting, supplies would run short and the more popular designs would get sold out. They were really so in demand and still are! I have had growing R'Jellybean sightings ever since last year when I grew aware of their existence. As a N@Wie, I was able to get in touch with Jen and was delighted to see new designs they were developing. She kindly offered me a sling from her own stock, but before I could take her up on it, we were able to snag one at SM Makati. It wasn't any of the posh designs and colors I wanted (saaad) but it was better than brown, the only other one left. Not that the brown wasn't nice, it was just that I'm not a brown person. Oona can wear brown, she's got that type of coloring and skin that makes brown rich. But on me, brown is too dark. So I got the stripey one in light orange, pink, white and dark, muted green. What I liked about it, more than the colors, was the textile used. It looked durable, felt durable and I knew this to be the type of fabric that was breathable as well.

Of course, it's one of those purchases that I was afraid would prove an unnecessary expense. Times are hard nowadays and I am guilty of being a closet shopaholic. However, it has managed to impress even my own husband who's often leery of my purchases (for purely practical reasons). I am proud to say that it's one of the BEST investments we've - - - er, I've made.

Next 9's R'Jellybean Ring Slings! It's proudly Filipina-made! WOOT!


Durable, stylish and very versatile. Quite close to the malongs and indigineous fabrics of my heart and culture! The designers even included an instructional video with every purchase to help you get the knack of wearing it and using different carrying styles.

With Oona getting to be more mobile, I thought she wouldn't be up to being hoisted around anymore. But, I was wrong! Oona still loves it at 14 months. She's already walking around and very very bibo. But I find that she still loves being cuddled and close to me when we're out. She's very quiet and relaxed, watching the world pass us both in the nested security of the sling and in my arms. She falls asleep faster, longer and better, even if it's a noisy environment when I'm out on an errand with her.

Everywhere I go, people stop and stare. Some are curious about the sling and ask if it's really safe. Yes, it is! The cloth is very durable, the stitches are very strong and the rings don't slip or snap.

Some ask if it's complicated to put on or if it's expensive. I always point them in the direction of the nearest department store in the vicinity and explain that it's very user-friendly and cost-efficient. I point out that RF and I barely use a stroller nowadays and can even go without it (on hindsight) as babies are better raised being close-carried by their parents in the spirit of attachment parenting. I can use the sling from infancy to toddlerhood since it's adjustable and breathable for the tropics.

Most importantly, I can use both hands when I'm slinging Oona, therefore making it easier for me to include her in more activities wherein I would normally have to put her down. The sense of belonging and involvement is priceless, as well as developing the child's natural awareness of her environment.

It also doesn't aggravate my sciatica. Prolonged lifting of course, still gives me a heckuva back ache but I can sling Oona for extended periods of time and not be debilitated for the next week as I used to be with the strappy carriers. I guess it's because when you use this type of sling, even with the wrap around Mei Tais, your center of gravity and balance doesn't have to shift that dramatically. You carry the weight closer to your body rather than away (which puts unnecessary strain and tension on your whole frame to compensate for the shifted center of gravity). To keep yourself from falling over with the weight of the baby (in a frontal carry) and the carrier's placement on your body as dictated by the straps (that really doesn't conform to your body's contours and needs) you put undue pressure on your spine and general back area. You can't even adjust the carrier to a more comfortable position.

Let's not forget that the strappy frontal kinds are hell on milk-engorged breasts, not to mention that it's harder to respond to the baby with all the snaps and straps restricting access. With the sling, it was easier to breastfeed Oona. I just sit, snuggle her closer and lift my shirt. So eazsyyyy! We even had the bonus of the loose fabric to double as a modesty cover of sorts when in a public place. I also use the loose fabric to shield Oona from sudden onslaughts of the wild weather we seem to be having, all the while running for cover.


I can't rave enough about ring-slinging and R'Jellybean. Even RF and my MIL agree that apart from being unique and back-to-the-roots, it's really very practical. Old school does it best...with modern improvements of course! I even got RF to use it every now and then, although he still prefers to carry Oona around minus the aid.

It's different for everyone, I guess. For me, this is true love. I'm already looking forward to using this again with our next little one. Or more likely, I'll be buying another one to use because Oona might still be "baby" enough to want to be carried with her stripey ring sling, that RF and I would have to wear one baby apiece! :D

Up next: Interview with Next9's Dynamic Ring Sling Duo: Jen Tan and Ella Ampongan!