Motherlode of guilt

"Oona fell on her face from a chair, as I was turning out my innards in the loo. She had a puffy eye that turned rainbow colors as the swelling went down over the next few days. Meanwhile, she managed to cut her finger on a disposable razor blade that she managed to dig out of my sister's vanity bag. By the time we saw what she was playing with and grabbed it from her, we were too late and she'd already nicked herself. She didn't mind the bleeding or the betadine, she didn't cry at all! But she raised hell with the band-aid. Like when she fell, she cried from the surprise of having fallen and well, she did put up a brave face but my heart broke when I heard her cry."

I remember this from last year, March 18, 2009. I don't remember the details anymore but I do remember the gnawing guilt. Should I have done something before she fell? Should I have foreseen it? What could I do? What should I have done?

No matter how much we try to protect them, our kids will always manage to do something that would hurt themselves. Overly child-proofing the whole house could work, but really! That might be bordering on the neurotic and the kids would probably need therapy in the future.

I think the best we can do is teach them to be careful. To think things through. To be aware. And how to get back up when they do get hurt. It applies to how to deal with the trips and falls in life too, right?

In the meantime, while they're learning, us parents have to learn to let go and let them learn. We also have to learn how to forgive ourselves when accidents happen (because they really do). However, for sure, one thing we can never learn is how to teach our hearts not to break when we hear our kid cry in pain, no matter the cause. We'd forever wish that we be the one hurting instead.

UPDATES and RENOVATIONS UNDER WAY!

Yes it's been quite awhile since I've been around. So much has happened and is still happening that I only really have time to check email and my facebook account. THAT'S IT. So updates in a nutshell would be:

1. I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant...between 5-6 months. Surprise baby, baby! Needless to say we're happily surprised and anxious, given how difficult the first pregnancy was.

2. Oona is 2years and 2months and is proud/excited to be big sister.

3. While I'm still mobile, I'm happily driving around in the little red family car. I terrorize all along the highway hell that is EDSA, plying the QC-Makati-QC route almost everyday to bring hubby to work and back home.

4. Still happily not working and relieved to be off my feet, so to speak. I'd rather use my precious time, blood, sweat and tears to raise my kids than raise other people. I'm happy to leave the conquering of new territory to others and the world can save itself without me for a good long while. Meanwhile, this new adventure is an awesome experience too good to pass up for ANYTHING. How can you exchange baby kicks and little kisses for a dog eat dog rat race? Yes, even with potty training and screaming mega-tantrums. I'll probably work at home, part time when the little ones permit in the future.

5. Our condo is up and we can move in by 2011. I'm looking forward to out-fitting the place up for our little family. I'm thinking the 3rd room could be our workshop/playroom. I've been daydreaming about getting back to painting. Of course the heavy mediums would be out for now since the kids would be in danger of the toxic materials. So I'll stick to aquarelle, gouache and pencils. The kids can even join me! That would be so exciting!!!

6. RF is going on the CIMA work-study program this coming year. It would accredit him internationally and personally, I think it'll be better than a Master's degree. After he finishes the course, he'll be more than eligible for posting anywhere in the world. A myriad of opportunities awaits him! I'm spanking proud of the hubby and I can't help but be inspired to think about study as well. We agreed that when time, finances and the kids permit, I'll pursue the design courses I've been keeping my eye on. Maybe even get a 2nd degree.

So far, these are the things I can post for now. So much other negative and positive stuff has happened but I haven't the time to expound. Suffice to say, real life has me heavily involved in offline activities so I haven't even gone back to Plurking (sigh). While I do miss my online sisters, it's either the preggy hormones demand I eat or sleep (at least, not forced bed rest) OR wifely/motherly duties prevail. Besides, the BPOs weren't the only ones affected by this year's financial crisis. You really find out what the luxuries in life are and what you can live without.

With Ondoy and Pepeng, we're also trying to help in our little ways. Oona experienced being the youngest "volunteer" at a soup kitchen my sister and her friends participated in for devastated Marikina. My dad has been going around to document the recovering displaced victims of the storms and calling his friends in various orgs to action, focusing on the psychosocial adjustments of children and families. So far, his efforts have not been in vain and they've started with medical missions as well. My mom cooked batches and batches of yummy arroz caldo to distribute to the tent cities around our locality. We may not have much, but we have willing hands, a few bucks for gas to get around and some means to help spread the word around for those in real need. Of course, I'm the designated driver and as much as I want to do more, it's really all I can contribute in my condition. Nevertheless, I'm still happy to have been able to do at least a small thing to help.

Anyway, I'll be renovating this blog and the others as well when real life permits my online life to resume. I do miss writing and I've such a backlog, I wouldn't know where to start when I do get back to writing here again. But I'm ok, the tribe's increasing and we're surviving.

I miss you all and I hope all is well with everybody too. :)

ESCAPING FOR A NIGHT

Being a SAHM usually takes you away from a lot of things that used to revolve around you. When you shop, you're always on the look out for the best thing to buy for your baby and your husband. When you surf, you're looking for things relating to your family and by-pass the information that used to intrigue you. When you eat out, you check out the places where it's child-friendly, there's a clean bathroom and there are high chairs. Oh and the food ought to be nutritious enough for your young child.

You seldom get out with friends or by yourself for an adult indulgence trip.

Enter an invitation for Blogger's Casino Royale Night at the newly hatching Resorts World. It doesn't get more adult and more fun than that, doesn't it? And providentially, hubby was on vacation leave so I had a dedicated baby sitter to leave Oona with for the June 10 orientation. The main event happens on the 26th of June but not to fall flat on the main "game night", other bloggers and I welcomed the orientation.

When we got there after meeting up in Makati (yes, in spite of the rally!), we found out that these events were their series of dry runs for the new staff that would populate the hotel due to open on August 8, 2009. The developers were also there to show us their plans for the "Live-Work-Play" concept they were working on for the entire property. The place we held the orientation night was the main building where training for all staff goes on: cooking, serving, housekeeping, card dealing, etc...I wouldn't be surprised if they held the security protocol training things at the back of the building and in the dead of night!

The entire concept is out of my experience so everything intrigued me. Plus being a fan of casino movies (Maverick, Ocean's Eleven, to name a few) didn't hurt! :D I was also intrigued with their plans for converting the entire space into what is virtually its own city. I liked that they expressed concern for the community around them through supporting the local economy via employment, using filipino-made products and elevating local service to world-class heights (butler-service for every guest!). I'm excited to see what happens in the next year when things are in full swing and the Philippine's first six-star experience makes its mark on the map of the hospitality and tourism world.

The mall plans were also incredible. What blew me away was the proposed weather-controlled environment of the mall "square". With green grass, trees and al fresco setting, nobody will have problems about being too hot or too wet because of the huge, clear glass-like ceiling that makes out like Hogwart's dining room, where there could be stars overhead or rain, but you never get exposed to whatever the elements are hurling down.

Note to self though: I was going through everything and I need to ask what their plans are for the environmental impact this complex would have. I am really interested in what they have done for waste management, conservation and renewable energy sources. Golf courses (which they have) take massive amounts of water and chemicals to maintain so I'm kind of concerned about that. Hey, I do rave about what I saw and what the plans are but I have got to think rationally about my kid's planet.

Anyhoo, the food they served us for dinner was also terrific as Faiye, Rizal and Ryan, my incredible tablemates would attest! Even Rizal managed to eat some of the main course, which was fish (which she normally doesn't touch). We absolutely loved the chinese hot and sour soup! We did end up askign the waiter what the chef used and on our tour afterwards, the chef gamely held up the bottle of chinese black vinegar he used. AMazing! All the way in the kitchen and he knew who asked what! I just felt that if it were the real deal, we'd find a bottle of the vinegar in our rooms, with compliments from the chef! And maybe a tray of foodies too! :D Well, our table were food people and we enjoyed everything they served. (I had my first bottle of Perrier too. I only liked the bottle.)

Moving on to the orientation for the card games, I can only say it was a riot being on the same Baccarat table with Rizal. We played with "play" chips, no money out, just to learn the game and for the dealers to practice their training on us "players". It was an exciting night as everyone got into the spirit of the games and had a tournament of sorts, narrowing the players to one last table of 7 people! After a neck and neck game, the emerging winner walked away with awestruck applause and special gifts from the hotel people!

Going home, everyone was hyped up for our next night: the REAL deal, where we would dress up to the nines like we were going to Vegas and hit the red carpet for one night where we could escape into a different world we only watched in the movies before this!!! :D (I'll keep everyone posted and next time, I'll post pics!)

Well, it was way past my baby's bedtime when I got back since I met up with two of my best friends afterwards. Although I enjoyed myself immensely, was happily out of whack from being up so late with all the excitement (getting old, not used to it anymore)...I was glad to know I've never been happier to be home. :)

So, until the next escape!

This Adorable Little Girl

'There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Least of all, be there for her whenever and wherever. It's the smallest I can do for what she's done for me. Having her changed my life so very much, that I can hardly recognize myself. I know I'm not the best person ever nor the most perfect being on earth (and she does deserve the best and most perfect), but I'm working on it. To be the best I can be, to be as close to perfect , as snug a fit to the role of mom as I can be to this little person bursting with possibilities. To be good enough at least, for Her.

So don't feel sorry for me, staying home while the girls paint the town red or the boys take over the world. I'm not afflicted with something to be sad about nor 'saddled' with the responsibility. I didn't give up and neither will I regret getting out of the fast lane. I chose to bring this little girl into the world, the least I can do is slow down enough so we can see the world together.

I know I'm full of unrealized potentials and there are a million possibilities for me. I do miss the rush sometimes. But when I'm playing with her, singing silly songs and making funny faces because she likes them so much, am I really missing anything else of greater significance?

Oh I know some kids grow up to be ungrateful morons (god knows I had my moments) and she might end up hating me someday for some godforsaken reason I would never understand, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. I don't blame having her for the life I chose to lead, that would be unfair to both of us. I find it hateful hearing parents tell their kids that they gave up this and that for them. It burdens the kid with such misplaced guilt. Neither will I beat myself up too much should she and I drift apart. I would be devastated, but none of that guilt for either of us. (God help me.)

The way I figure it, the world won't tilt off its axis while I let others go fight the good fight and I stay home. Plenty of time later. But it's always too soon for her.

Ooooooh!!! Free Frog Pods!

Summer's really here and if it's any measure of how hot it is outside, Oona and I take baths as much as 3x a day now. If we could live in the bathroom, we actually would! That's a thought I've had for a long time now. If it came to bunking down for survival in one room in the house, I'd apocalypse-proof my bathroom.

Anyhoo, a different apocalypse is happening with Oona's daily bathing spree. Since we don't have a kiddie pool, she plays with the gripo, the tabo and the timba. On occasion though, there's the odd plastic toy: a baby minnie mouse floater, a toy car, a screaming pink plastic ball or an empty plastic bottle.

What I find most trying is whenever I have to clean up after. She's not a fussy but the bathroom can be a wet disaster area that I have trouble keeping organized, dry and clean. (Only to repeat the clean-up operations again and again). Everytime nga that we go to the department stores, I always stop by the bathroom section to check out new stuff that would be cute BUT functional. 

A friend of mine, knowing I'm crazy for a good bargain, 

told me about Boon's Summer Promo available at all Rustan's stores nationwide! Whee! I *lurve* promos!!!

So, for a minimum purchase of Php 3,500 worth of any Boon products, we get a helpful bath organizer called the Boon Frog Pod for FREE!  Scoop, Rinse, and Store all your stuff in one go! 

The Frog Pod has a built-in shelf for your baby's bath products. It attaches to virtually any bathroom wall, so set-up is easy. The Frog Pod also has a removable scoop that provides a quick and easy way to pick up bath toys. The holes on the scoop makes it easy to rinse, drain and dry the toys for the next bathing adventure. The Frog Pod's fingers and toes act as hooks for hanging other bath accessories.

Boon Inc. is an incredibly innovative company that combines function with cuteness. Seriously. Kids love their colors and designs and as an adult, I find myself wishing we had these things as kids! I'm just thankful there are things like these because it makes cleaning up fun and interesting for kids. I checked out their website and there's a ladybug version of the Frog Pod, but I have yet to make a beeline for Rustan's to check out what's available for my shopper's itch! I'm sure RF and I would have to restrain ourselves yet again for our cash outlay's sake.

  

Hopefully, there'll still be a froggie friend left for me and Oona this weekend! I'm sure the Frog Pod can even do duty near the pool and on vacation trips. You don't have to pack and repack everything you and your kids need all the time. Just un-attach the Froggie from the wall with all the toys and bathing things attached and pack it, then reattach at your destination! Be careful you don't leave it behind though!  

So, hurry all you mommies and get your own FREE Boon Frog Pod now! Promo is good until April 30, 2009 or until supplies last.