Thursday, June 4, 2009

This Adorable Little Girl

'There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Least of all, be there for her whenever and wherever. It's the smallest I can do for what she's done for me. Having her changed my life so very much, that I can hardly recognize myself. I know I'm not the best person ever nor the most perfect being on earth (and she does deserve the best and most perfect), but I'm working on it. To be the best I can be, to be as close to perfect , as snug a fit to the role of mom as I can be to this little person bursting with possibilities. To be good enough at least, for Her.

So don't feel sorry for me, staying home while the girls paint the town red or the boys take over the world. I'm not afflicted with something to be sad about nor 'saddled' with the responsibility. I didn't give up and neither will I regret getting out of the fast lane. I chose to bring this little girl into the world, the least I can do is slow down enough so we can see the world together.

I know I'm full of unrealized potentials and there are a million possibilities for me. I do miss the rush sometimes. But when I'm playing with her, singing silly songs and making funny faces because she likes them so much, am I really missing anything else of greater significance?

Oh I know some kids grow up to be ungrateful morons (god knows I had my moments) and she might end up hating me someday for some godforsaken reason I would never understand, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. I don't blame having her for the life I chose to lead, that would be unfair to both of us. I find it hateful hearing parents tell their kids that they gave up this and that for them. It burdens the kid with such misplaced guilt. Neither will I beat myself up too much should she and I drift apart. I would be devastated, but none of that guilt for either of us. (God help me.)

The way I figure it, the world won't tilt off its axis while I let others go fight the good fight and I stay home. Plenty of time later. But it's always too soon for her.

Posted by ShoZu