Saturday, March 14, 2009

Living with the In-Laws

Okay, so it's been awhile since I've updated my blog. Or checked my email, for that matter: Inbox Unread 855! Mostly newsletters but the odd email from friends show how behind the times I am (They broke up?!...A few letters later, Oh they're planning the wedding now.) The only reason I'm able to write this and the precious three entries I had posted is, as of writing, 1. It's Sunday. 2. Oona is with hubby and his set of family and 3. I have my parents' computer, and myself, all to myself. For a few hours at least! And then, I'm time-releasing this along with my other posts.

Since end of January, RF, Oona and I have been living at my parents' home. We were living in our own apartment with RF's mom, but we've all since decided to separate households. So now, while we're looking for two new places to live for ourselves and for mom-in-law to move to, we're bunking in with my side of the family. Besides, the one we are currently living in is simply too big to maintain for a small family and our needs are minimal. Oona is growing up so we really have to think of how to streamline our finances to accomodate her future needs. This early I'm already contemplating about where to send her to school and if RF and I can afford to buy a shotgun each for her teen years. 

So while the hunt continues, we are bunking at my parents' house. If we can't find a place for our little trio, we might have to stay here until our Beacon condo unit is completed in a year. However, while I love being with family, and Oona's antics keep my parents young, I really recommend having a place of your own. There are lessons to be learned of course, if you are open to it, while living with your budding family under your parents' roof. But it's always better to have your own space. 

You know what they say: A man's home is his castle. Visiting kings can't be lording it. We're so lucky that neither my father or my hubby have any issues with eachother, but I do know that others are not as blessed. There's the hiya factor for one. Even if my parents already think of RF as their son, there's still the feeling that you can't be as free as you would like to be with your actions than if you're in your own home. It's not bad, you are better behaved than you ever were and when you get used to it, you find yourself a lot more refined than when you let it all hang.

The equivalent for me is that there can't be two queens in one castle. My mother and I may agree on a lot of things now that i'm older and less of a bitchy teenager, but there are still things that we disagree on. Both of us certainly have different ways of doing and seeing things. I understand that better now, after all, it's her house and I would most likely be like that in my own space. Maybe it's easier for me than others because my mom and i are related, so we can tolerate each other's nuances of character. Of course, getting along for two people, related or unrelated, will only be as hard as the concerned parties make it. In the end, what's important is you all try your best to treat everyone with courtesy and respect. 

One more thing, intimacy may be a problem especially if there's not enough room in the house. We don't have our own room right now because my parents tore down the entire third floor where there was space enough for up to three bedrooms. This was back when most of us kids had flown the coop and they needed the space to make a sound proof studio for a children's show they were doing. So now, we're refugees on the 2nd floor, camped out on my parent's room. The guys get the floor mattresses and us girls get the beds. Thank god it's a big room and with the aircon and cable tv, very comfortable! My little sister also sleeps here and any of my brothers whenever they're in town. (Yes, it's a pretty big room.) 

While it's like a big sleepover after lights out with all the yakking and giggling we do in the dark, it can get lonely and I can only hold hands with the hubby on the floor and I'm on the bed next to Oona, in the middle of a gaggle of people. Even if my parents aren't prudes, we're not about to sneak off in dark corners or broom closets for a quickie. I agree it sounds exciting, but there are just some things we're not comfortable with. Maybe being legit makes the adventure aspect fall a little flat? But definitely, being in a house with little privacy left for fooling around puts a kink in our romance (not even the good kinda kink). Well, when I discreetly brought up the subject to discreetly lobby for some space (we'll take the storage room!), my mom said that maybe we just lack creativity. Then to my utmost horror and mortification, she proceeded to enumerate where and when one can be naughty. Before I got seriously disturbed, I was able to change the subject. Whatever the case may be, I still can't openly talk about my sex life with my mother. It's just a wee bit disturbing. 

Distinct advantage though! It's probably the best birth control ever! Not that I don't want any kids after Oona, but I do want a bit of space between them for health and sanity purposes.  

Living with in-laws has let us see household-running with fresh eyes. RF and I have to develop our own way of things, but it clearly has to be between him and me to build the rock-solid foundation for our future to stand on. Meanwhile, we are learning and growing as parents and as life-partners. With or without the extra space. >:) There's always Victoria Court anyway! Beats a dark corner anytime. Hehe.

Lilypie Breastfeeding Ticker


popcorn said...

Good luck :)

Laya Isabelle Garcellano-Florendo said...

thanks sis! so far surviving naman :D

Ute said...

eeew... she read right through you, eh? Horrible... just horrible.