Own Your Beauty, My Babies! Starting My Girls Early :)

Blogher.com came out with a campaign to change the way conversation goes when beauty is the subject. I blog about it too at Living Lusciousness. It sits so close to my heart because I'm on a personal journey to claim my own beauty from low self-esteem, bad body image and a lifetime of distorted beauty concepts. Usually, conversation centers around stereotypical concepts of beauty: "Am I pretty enough?", "Am I white or tanned enough?", "Am I skinny enough?", "Are my breasts/butt/waist/nose/height/weight/etc okay?"...

Ah, the perception of perfection. Isn't it about time we stop measuring ourselves against other people's perception of beauty?

It helps to know I'm not alone and that women all over the world are learning that it's never too late to love oneself and touch other people's lives in beautiful, positive ways. It's so heartening to note that some beauty products in the market are taking note of this surging campaign where the emphasis is on celebrating YOU, your successes, dreams and your authentic self regardless of age or ethnicity.

I know, they're trying to sell beauty in a bottle, but the message emphasis is at least on healthier living, taking care of yourself and appreciating yourself. (Let's not delve deeper than that into marketing and sales strategies, okay?) At least they're not hard-selling (that much) anymore.

On the issue of personal beauty, I've long established myself the guardian against shackling my kids to stereotypical perceptions of beauty that culture inadvertently inflicts on young minds. I don't dress them up in age-inappropriate clothes or shoes for the sake of looking trendy. Revealing tube tops, miniskirts and backless blouses?! They might catch cold or dengue. Or worse, the eye of some pedophile. Heels on kids damage their developing legs and hips, people! Unless they really need it, medically speaking! Grown women can't tolerate heels all that well either, what makes you think your toddler can?!

On that note, have you seen Toddlers and Tiaras? It's a reality-based show where beauty pageant kids are featured with their parents and the lengths they go to win. Some are as young as two years old. They are made-up, primped, bleached, put on diets and pressured to perform. The kids' baby voices asking if they're pretty enough would break your heart! The parents say that it's what the kids want, but are they even old enough to decide that? Or are they merely convinced that it's what they want because their parents have drilled it into their heads? I don't want to judge but there has to be a line somewhere. You don't just project your illusions on your kids. It's just plain wrong. Childhood is fleeting enough without you speeding it up for them!

I also steer the conversations around them AWAY from meaning-laden comments that imply sexiness or comparison with other kids ("You're so sexy!" or "You're prettier than her!"). I could get really obnoxious especially with negative stereotyping comments ("Her bridge is not high enough!" or "You're too brown!") that usually come from other people outside our usual circle. I try being polite but I'd rather be called sensitive than have ideas put into my kids' heads as tabula rasa as they are. I mean, come on, Oona's three years old and Olly's 9 months old, do we have to impose perceptions of adulthood and sexiness this early? They're only just starting gender identification, for crying out loud!

I want my kids to be proud of their strong, healthy bodies that they own and use to celebrate the life they choose with joy. I want them to be happy that they can sing, dance and play. I want them to be confident and brave enough to face the world in the healthy skin they're in, with bright shining eyes, tossing their hair, straight or curly, in the breeze, breathing through functional noses, laughing and smiling, secure in their uniqueness.

I want them to be able to focus on character rather than physical characteristics, on intellect and emotional maturity rather than if they can join beauty pageants. Sure, many would say I'm only saying this because I already know my kids have an edge over others since they're pretty, lively and bright as new pennies (Imma proud momma!). All the more should any parent be vigilant lest misplaced values go to their heads and we'll be sorry for it when they're older.

The world we live in judges by looks, that's true. But that only goes so far. You can't pretend to be more than just a face or a body for long. Sooner or later, the face value fades and bodies sag and if there's no substance to hold who you are up, it's a sad day for you.

Let's teach the kids that they better have something else to sustain them through anything that comes their way after wrinkles or an intellectual challenge appears!

And if joining a beauty pageant comes to be part of their personal journey, let it be for the right reasons and their choice rather than my own projections of frustrated dreams.

In the meantime, let's let them be kids and cherish their childhood as it should be cherished, teaching them to own their unique beauty and individual perfection!

Identity Crisis: Reinventing Me

I know that something major has happened in my life when I find myself building my proof of identity from ground zero. I don't mean just paperwork, but the little components that make up who I am are reinvented, reshuffled and remade.



College Me

 Declaration Of Independence

Leaving home to be my own woman let me claim who I was and build on the foundations I was laying. It helped me clarify the blurry lines between me and other personalities I unconsciously projected but were not really ME.

I fully realized this molding of identity the first time I saw a huge rat in the very first house I rented as an independent woman. I was broke, the room was a god-awful mess with half-unpacked boxes and that rat was shocked that I had moved in. Guess he didn't get the memo. Haha :D Gross, I know but I felt content. MY RAT. MY ROOM. MY MESS. :D

Prior to that were the usual pressures of school and peers for identity but nothing really solid that I can fully claim as my own. You could say I've been trying out clothes from the rack and while some did look good on me, they really weren't my style. So by the time I was able to move out, I was more than ready for some tailor fitting.

Our Anniversary Layout
I framed this as a triptych and gave it as a gift to rf.

Then, I Got Married.

Who knew that marriage could be such a legal headache? Proving who I was and tracking each and every paper of proof that I am myself took forever! Then, I had to change my name on all those pieces of paper, which again, took forever and a day. I remember asking myself if those scraps really defined my existence. Legally, yes. (Thanks to that experience, I never underestimate the value of a piece of paper again.)

Other than the legalities, I had to wrap my brain around being someone's wife too. Compromises need to be made and one's quirks have to be outgrown or at least thoroughly discussed. I wasn't wholly my own woman anymore, going where and when I please. Complete control over my life wasn't something I had for long, and just when I thought I was getting the hang of it, I found that I had to relinquish some of it when I signed the dotted line. That took some getting used to!

Okay, not that I regret it, mind you. Marriage gave me new ways in which to grow and surprisingly for me, discover that I wouldn't be as restricted as I thought I'd be. Maybe it's also because RF has been very supportive and understanding through all the stresses we've muddled through together. I'm thanking my lucky stars I didn't marry a lemon and I haven't yet prayed for divorce to be legalized in this country!

Ground Zero: The Day You Find Out You're Preggo



First few weeks of Oona's life.
Had to drink Duphaston (those white things)
to help her hold on in my womb.

 One milestone I thought marriage would prepare me for was the inevitable role of motherhood. But getting pregnant and giving birth to Oona opened up an entirely new dimension in my character development. I never really thought there could be so many things to being a mother! Nothing is too small, insignificant or inconsequential, everything affects you and your child! 

Once again, everything is erased and it all starts in your head. You build yourself again with this new factor whose variables are exponential.

Example: I never used to be afraid of germs, strangers or be so deeply concerned about the environment, politics or finances. Now, I'm all about what these things could mean for my kids' future. I never really thought I'd be a mom, actually, but the things that suddenly concern me never cease to amaze me. There's a new one every day! Like today, I think I'm turning into the bad word patrol and I'm trying to find a good explanation why 'What the hey!' still isn't good even when you don't say 'hell'.

I'm also finding out that I thought I'd be all progressive and modern parenting but I'm more traditional than I actually suspected. I suddenly have issues about everything! I even have anxiety attacks about things that haven't happened or can only happen in the remotest possibility. Like, if I could put in a GPS microchip on each kid of mine, I would! (But I might be damaging them for life so I don't know.) Maybe just teach them to go for the jugular if anyone dares harm a hair on their heads.

***

My little girls clwoning around!

Anyhoo, it never ceases to amaze me how many times one has to reinvent oneself just as you were getting comfortable with who you are at the moment.

Like now, I find that reinvention happens everyday especially around kids. It's totally crazy and I don't know how I manage it, but I do.

I have to.

When babies depend on you, it's a whole different ball game, a whole different level of involvement. It's not just your future hanging on the balance anymore. Who I am means so much more than my own reasons for building an identity. It's the foundation I build to raise good human beings.

(Whoa. Intense much?!)

Why Wait?

I don't mind taking turns, exercising patience and waiting for my ship to come in. In fact, it's one of the virtues I try to teach Oona.

However, there are some situations when you just hafta really hustle if you wanna get a move on!

I'm tired of waiting on fate to bring me what I want. I'm tired of watching people achieve their dreams first. I'm tired of putting myself on hold. I'm tired of postponing my plans and delaying my dreams. I'm done, I'm through, I'm stopping this nonsense right now.

That dream career? I'm taking that. That house? I'll take it. Those fat bank accounts and paying investments? They're mine, thank you. That glamorous, wonderful goddess in the mirror? Why, that's me! Worshipping is allowed, mortal. Bring tribute and I shall be pleased.

When you want something done right, you do it yourself. You don't need to hitch your wagon to someone else's shooting star. You can fly yourself to the moon even if you have to build the dang rocket out of scrap metal and spare parts.

What's life without grabbing some bulls by the balls? Er...Horns. I meant, horns.